It has been harder than I thought it would be to regain my bearings. As you can see, I’ve been working through the process.
What I know to be true:
When I let fear of being misunderstood and criticized seize me, I feel like my mind has been stuffed into a bag of cotton. I can’t think. I can’t write. I can’t make layouts. I don’t get ideas. I feel uneasy. I feel frightened. I pull inwards. I have to push myself through every single moment of every single day. It feels dark. I am unhappy.
When I remembered that God does not communicate with his children in this manner, I understand that it is not meant for me to still my voice. He would not give me a gift and then tell me not to use it. He would not have me afraid. He would not have me be unhappy. He does not work that way.
When I compare how I have been feeling recently with how I felt before, the dark and light is as discernible as stripes on a zebra.
I must go back to doing what I did before: I prayed hard. I read the scriptures. I worked hard. I made an effort to become as educated about the world as I could be. I enjoyed people completely because I was not afraid of them. I tried to be as honest and kind to others as possible. I did my best to learn from the process of life. I put my trust in God not man. I liked myself.
I will regain my bearings completely, I promise. Meanwhile, I will appreciate any prayers that are said in my behalf.
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