Life Muses by Ro

B{U}: Be willing to say, "Sometimes, it is what it is what it is"

If you’ve been reading my muses and blog posts for any length of time, you have learned that I have Fibromyalgia. I thought I’d explain a little bit more about it because whenever I mention the Fibro, I receive requests for information about the symptoms.

My current symptom list includes:

• Muscle and body aches (sort of like you get at the beginning of a flu). This is my least-favorite symptom.
• Fatigue - the kind of fatigue that makes you feel like you are so tired you could cry. This isn’t a feeling of being tired because you’ve been extra busy, this is fatigue that runs through every pore. It’s the kind of fatigue that takes courage to work through. It’s always worse in the morning.
• Difficulties sleeping. It is common for someone with Fibromyalgia to have sleep disorders in which they don’t go into  Stage 4 sleep. Your body rebuilds in Stage 4.
• Foggy thinking. This is commonly known as Fibro Fog. Your brain feels tired and it is hard to think. You can think, but it takes a great deal of effort.
• Sensitive to sound, light, and touch. When I’m having a Fibro flare, it is hard to find something comfortable to wear. This is one of the reasons I have an extensive wardrobe of stretchy exercise-type clothing. If I am having a very bad day, I stay in my nightgown.

My aggravating factors:

• Stress
• Having too much fun (vacations usually send me into a flare-up)
• Working too long for an extended period of time
• Getting sick in other ways
• Having my sleep disrupted for an extended period of time
• Trying to do too much
• Environmental issues

When I live a quieter life, I do better. As you might know by now, I am continually working on methods to handle stress more effectively. It’s a constant struggle because I like to be busy. I like to be involved. I like to interact with people. I love to be charged up with excitement.

In my pre-Fibro days, I was a whirlwind of activity. I ran from morning until night. I played in orchestras, did live theatre, sang in choirs, held complicated positions at church, taught music, cooked and baked, bottled and sewed. I felt great and rarely got sick.

Then I had Andrew and the shock of the difficult pregnancy and delivery seemed to activate something in my body and I came down with Fibromyalgia. That was 21 years ago.

The good thing: I’m used to it and know what is going on. I’m not afraid of what happens to me.

The bad thing: As hard as I might try, I cannot seem to reclaim my former busy-busy self. I have to tell myself, “It is what it is.”

The best thing: The Lord led me to a job that I can do within the confines of my Fibromyalgia. When I am having a bad day, I do less. When I am having a bad period, no one knows it is happening unless I tell them. When I am having a good stretch, I get as much done as I can. I appreciate feeling good and count those times as blessings.

Accepting myself is accepting my Fibromyalgia. It is relaxing into the confines of my experience so that I can learn. It is becoming brave enough to tell to people that I have Fibro so that they won’t think I am a flake when I have to beg out of certain activities. It is learning to say, “No, I can’t do that.” It is learning to not feel guilty that I have to say, “No, I can’t do that.”

My truth for today: I’m experiencing Fibro flare. I feel fairly lousy and I believe that after I get my office cleaned up so that I don’t feel confused to look at my piles of papers and books, I am going to do some of the reading I have been putting off.

I’m going to Be Me and be one with the Fibro.

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If you have more questions about the symptoms of Fibromyalgia, you can find lots of good information here.

B{U}: Be quiet

Lately, I have made a point of spending time alone. I choose to have my quiet time early in the morning before my family gets up and before my work day begins.

• I read scripture.
• I pray.
• I meditate.
• I write questions I want answers to in my notebook.
• I think about who I want to be.
• I write positive notes to myself.
• I listen for inspiration.

I have learned more about myself in these quiet hours than I learned during decades of struggling to discover who I was. Because of these quiet hours and constantly thinking about this project to become ME, I feel like I am beginning to settle into myself.

I know that finding time to be alone can be particularly difficult if you have a young family. You feel pulled in every direction imaginable. However, it is critical that you do. When my children were younger, they experienced the trials of having a mother with major depression. It was hard for them and in some ways, they have had to recover from it just as I did.

“When mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.”

I wish I had known back then how important it was for me to be still… to listen… to connect more with myself and God. If I had, perhaps, I am sure that some of the decisions I made would have changed and our family’s life would have been altered – in a good way. But I put myself last on my list and everyone on my list suffered along with me.

Don’t do that to yourself. Please. Find time to be quiet… and listen. You’ll find out how much you are loved.

This week’s assignment:

• Figure out a time to find quiet. If it requires getting up early, work up to it by setting your alarm clock 15 minutes earlier. Don’t try to jolt yourself into it or you won’t like it.
• Figure out a place to be quiet. Set up a little corner somewhere with a journal, scriptures, or whatever you feel you need.
• Once you start, give it a chance to work. The chances of you having a life-altering experience the first day is fairly low. Persistence is the key.

B{U}: Be free of the past

Ever feel like you have a few things in your life that hang about in the closet of your mind like stinky shoes? 

• Maybe you’re having a hard time forgiving someone
• Perhaps, you did a few things you wish you could change.
• You may feel hurt about some relationships that didn’t go as they should.
• Someone may have let you down in such a way that you now feel afraid to get close to others.
• You may have experienced some major failures and you feel afraid to try again.
• Perhaps, you were criticized harshly by someone and now you are hesitant to put yourself in the line of fire.
• Maybe you lost someone close to you and you are worried that if you don’t continue to live in a state of constant sadness, you are disrespecting their memory.

There are as many possibly for stinky shoes as there are days of our lives. No matter what they are, there comes a time in our lives when we feel that we want to throw the smelly things out and air out the closet with sweet-smelling air freshener.

It’s hard to be pursue our true self when we allow ourselves to be chained to the past.

It seems requisite to discover methods of releasing pain. We need to figure out how to pick those shoes up and hurl them out the window.

Of course, if you are a person of faith, turning to God for help is critical. He is the one that sends us peace and love. Sometimes, he does that in unexpected ways.

I had a few items in my own past that I couldn’t seem to rid myself of, no matter how hard I prayed. They hung around like dusty boots, hidden in a corner where I could not find them.

I was recently led to a method that has, at least, provided a method of release. I wouldn’t have thought of it myself and when I first tried it, I felt awkward – even silly. But I was tremendously anxious to forgive a particular person because I knew the weight was holding me back. I was sending out bad through my grudge and the bad was coming back to me. The pain caused me to be fearful and I felt repeated hurt when I had occasion to hear anything related to what happened.

Here’s what I did:

1. I sat on my floor in front of my full-length mirror.
2. I started talking, first looking into my eyes while telling myself that I accept myself and love myself. I repeated that until I relaxed and felt comfortable. It took a few times (sessions) until I could do this without looking away from myself.
3. After I had achieved accepting myself, I began talking to the person that hurt me. I looked deep into my own eyes, as if I was the person I wanted to forgive. I told them how they had hurt me and why it hurt me. I told them what it meant to me that they had hurt me.
4. I started to tell them that I forgave them. Whenever a feeling of resistance appeared to offering this forgiveness, I said, “I choose to give up resistence.”
5. After a while (and I worked at this for a long time), I had a break-through. I realized what it had done to the person. I realized the consequence they had to face because of their decision. I began to feel sorry for them. My anger was replaced with compassion.
6. I then stood up and and talked out my window, as if I was talking to them. I said that I forgave them. I said that I was letting the past go. I told God that I was open to receiving good things.

Maybe the whole thing sounds weird to you. Perhaps, it is. But I know that when I actively engaged in a method of actively forgiveness. I felt the warm love of Christ fill my hear and my soul. I felt happy, light… wonderful.

Receiving and offering forgiveness.

The light streams in.

I

I no longer feel pain when I think of what happened  and this individual. I remember what happened, but it as if it happened to someone else. And best of all, I know that if I have unkind feelings reappear, I can sit in front of my mirror and repeat the process.

I have done this for a few people and situations now. I have done to receive peace about a few things I regret doing. It is wonderful.

I think that the Lord helps us when we make an effort to forgive. He has command that we forgive each other and so he blesses us when we obeys.

This week’s assignment:

• Think of something or someone you have a desire to forgive.
• If you feel you are able… experiment with methods of achieving this forgiveness. You may wish to do as I have done – pray and then do something to process your feelings. I have given you one example of how you might do it. There are others.

I wish you peace, joy, and love.

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Technorati Tags: forgiveness,peace,leaving the past behind

B{U}: Be ready to give up resistance

Have you ever noticed that as you try to change, you receive more opportunities than usual to manage that change? For instance, if you want to  reduce your sugar intake, your neighbors unexpectedly bring you cookies, your husband decided to treat you with a milk shake, and you find three new recipes for brownies that sound amazingly good…

You are stuck in Pink Elephant Syndrome. (If you decide that you won’t think about pink elephants, your mind floods with images of pink elephants dancing in tutus.)

This phenomena has always frustrated me, but I didn’t know what to do about it. Last week, I received the answer and it is simpler than I imaged: I need to tell myself to change. I need to tell myself that I choose to change.

When I begin to feel that little twinge that tells me I don’t want to face something or deal with it, or accept it, I say out loud, “I choose to give up resistance to…” and then I end the statement appropriately.

If I go back to the sugar example, I might say, “I choose to give up resistance to reduce my sugar intake.”

The important words are, “I choose.” The important action is to say it until the feeling of resistance begins to fade. Then I follow it with positive statements about the outcome I am seeking. I say them as if I already have what I want.

Continuing with the sugar example, I might say, “I am healthy and have lots of energy. I take care of myself because I love and accept myself.”

Easy. Powerful. It works. It works because whatever we give out we receive multiplied. When we tell ourselves that we are weak and unable to change, that’s exactly what happens.

Releasing resistance to change moves me along on the path in my quest to be what God created me to be. Giving up resistance to change has made me feel much happier.

This week’s assignment:

• Write a note that says, “I choose to give up resistance,” and hang it at strategic spots in your work environment or home.
• Look yourself in the mirror every morning and say, “I choose to give up resistance to change.”

If you find that my little tip helps you, I’d love to hear about it!

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Technorati Tags: self improvement,change

B{U}: Be Relaxed

Recently, I told a sad, sad, story in the Scrap Girls newsletter about the loss of a cherished notebook. I was dismayed when it happened because I have lots of plans in it, including ideas for this column. They came to me the night fed up with myself after a long session of comparing myself to other people. (I thought I came up short.) It was one of those experiences you have that makes you go, "Oh... I get it. Of course! I just need to be myself. That's good enough."

And then... sniff, sniff... I lost the notebook... with all of my scathingly-brilliant ideas.

I searched the house for it endlessly. I finally determined that I must have thrown it out in the big stack of papers I disposed of. Then I had to properly mourn the loss of all my inspiration.

Thus the early demise of a notebook muse.

 

You can read the muse I wrote about it (and see the layout supply list) in this edition of the newsletter.

Despite thinking that it was lost forever, I kept feeling like there was something more I could do. A couple of days ago while I was saying my morning prayer, I was surprised to hear myself ask the Lord to help me find it.

He did.

This morning - for the first time ever - I decided to plan out my meals for the week before I went grocery shopping. (What a concept!) I remembered a cool cookbook I have that has a year's worth of menu ideas in it. Of course, I had to get it out so as to avail myself of those menus. Guess what I found sitting in the middle of it like some kind of lumpy bookmark?

My notebook.

"Oh yeah," I thought, "I remember what happened. Mom was here and she distracted me when I had that cookbook out and I left it on the counter. Someone must have stuck it in the cupboard."

I have my notebook... and the plans for this column...and other cool ideas I have scribbled all over it for becoming ME!

Here is one of them I came up with that night: Be Relaxed.

Oh yeah... that sounds good. I'm going to relax. I'm going to go in my family room right now (I'm writing this on Saturday evening), put my feet up and watch some TV... and relax!

Let's all get relaxed this week.

• Sit in a chair in your yard.
• Read a book.
• Lie on your couch and stare at the ceiling.
• Mediate.
• Drink some lemonade on your front stoop.
• Whatever works.

Pick something out and do it, okay? Are you with me? I want to hear how you relaxed!