Sometimes, silence speaks louder than words.
I have been rather silent this week because I have been thinking…and praying…and reading the scriptures…and considering what is and what is not important.
I have been taking a breath.
I have taken a breath so deep that I am now ready to talk about something I haven’t addressed before.
(Warning: This is very long, but heartfelt post that took me 12 hours to put together. I wanted to do the very best job I could so that you will understand my words.)
My concerns about the state of the country, the economy, the world, the tumult, the shouting, the name-calling, and the fear that sits in people’s hearts have been tethering me to the ground. I have been held by ropes both seen and unseen.
My awareness that I do not control the world – or even a good deal that happens in my own little world – causes me to wage an internal battle between hope and fear.
I consider my actions and ask if I’m doing enough for the world or if there is something more I should do. I don’t want to have to tell my children and grandchildren that I was afraid to do something…or was too busy to do something…or was afraid that I would get attacked if I did something.
I don’t want to say, “I’m so sorry that Grandma wasn’t there to stand up for you when it was important to do so. I was afraid.”
My desire to do something is complicated by my position at Scrap Girls. I feel responsible for our team and our members. I feel responsible to do the best job I can everyday. I feel responsible to BE RESPONSIBLE.
I love the wonderful people on our team as if they were my children. I think about them, worry about them, pray for them, but most of all I pray that the Lord will have mercy and will sustain Scrap Girls because I honestly feel that Scrap Girls is about much more than digital scrapbooking.
Digital scrapbooking is is one of the most worthwhile hobbies there is because through it, we express via art and words the stories of ourselves and our families. Leaving a record of our family and ourselves behind for the generations that follow us is one of the few things we can do for them. Money will be spent. Possessions will wear out. But the legacy of our stories can not be underestimated. We will give future generations strength through our efforts and examples. And I believe that while Scrap Girls is about digital scrapbooking, Scrap Girls has become something much more.
Scrap Girls is about bringing like-feeling people together. It is providing a safe spot on the Internet to make friends, to get support, to learn about digital scrapbooking, to pray for each other, to cheer each other on, to have opportunities to serve each other, to be able to speak about those things that we hold dear without fear of being attacked by those who do not agree with us.
Through the efforts of our team and the giving natures of our members and customers, Scrap Girls has become a special, safe, supportive, God-loving place where lots of fun is had.
My understanding that I need help with my responsibilities makes me reach out for assistance. My longing to make a difference in the world is so keen that it slashes through my skin and into my heart like a sharp paring knife.
I peer through the darkness of my burdens, looking for a true source of light. I seek peace, happiness, love, and joy. In my seeking, I find only one answer…God.
Over the years, as I have talked about the part that faith holds in my life, it has occurred to me on multiple occasions, that there might be people who hate it when I talk about God. They may feel that I am preaching or trying to convert them or that I am simply being obnoxious when I bring Him up so often.
To clarify: when I write, I don’t write with any particular outcome in mind. I’m just being me. I’m telling you the story of a moment in my life. This is how I talk – or how I would like to talk if my speech could be as smooth as my writing. God is such an integral part of my experience that it is only natural that I talk about Him. You write what you know.
It has also occurred to me that Scrap Girls may lose a certain amount of customers because I speak so often about God.. and faith… and hope… and integrity… and other like topics.
But honestly, when these thoughts come into my mind, I receive reassurance from God that I am on the path He set me on, “The people that are supposed to find you, will find you,”I am told. “The people that need you, will be grateful that you tell the truth. The people that will support you, will find you… and they will support you. I will bring them to you. Have faith in me.”
And you know what else? When I experience moments of self-doubt about what I write, I almost immediately receive an encouraging blog comment or email note from someone who feels I have helped her through sharing myself. These notes are a great support to me and believe me, I need support carrying my burdens.
I work to increase my faith. By building my faith in Him I trust, I am honoring those who trust me.
Yesterday, I felt a strong desire to truly communicate with Heavenly Father about what I am experiencing right now. I felt the spirit so strongly as I prayed that I cried with each phrase I spoke. I praised Him for many things. I asked for help, support, and blessings. And I prayed for peace. I prayed that I would feel His peace no matter what happens.
I told Heavenly Father that I am willing to do whatever He wants me to do, to say whatever He wants me to say, write what He wants me to write, and to be whomever He wants me to be. My most repeated phrase was, “Thy will be done.”
My longing to help with the issues of the day has consumed me. My fight to contain my longing to help with the issues of the day have placed me in a box of my own making.
My brave mind said, “Do this. You must do this. Who won’t do it, if people like you fail to speak? It need to be done.”
My fearful mind said, “Don’t do this. You must be silent. You must be considerate. You must not talk about controversial things. People look to you for leadership and so you must dial your desires back. You are being watched.”
I battled between two good things; my desires to speak and my desires to protect and be protected.
And then I began to ask myself, “What kind of person am I? Am I a person that stands for something? Or am I a person that is afraid of the consequences of standing for something and so I do nothing... and lose my integrity in the process. Do I lead when I am quiet or do I lead when I speak out?”
I've wondered if I have been feeling a similar type of conflict that people in Austria had when they saw their country quietly taken over by the Nazis. One day, they were an independent nation and the next day, they were part of Germany.
In my mind, there is an explanation for what seems unthinkable: People became afraid to say that they didn’t like what is going on in their neighborhoods, their towns, and their country. They felt pressured not to say anything because they knew that if they did speak up, they might lose their businesses, their homes, their families, their position in society, or even their lives. They held their feelings in and did not speak out when it matters.
And then suddenly, it was too late… they were citizens of another nation. Perhaps, we won’t ever become citizens of a nation that is consumed by an outside force, but I fear that our nation will be consumed by internal enemies that wish to fundamentally change our country.
Do not discount the power of peer pressure. Our country has been seized with an erroneous idea that you must be like everyone else to be acceptable. There is a great deal of peer pressure to conform.
But nobody is like anyone else. We are all different and have unique ideas and values. One of the great things about being an American is that we are free to believe what we want and to say what we want and do what we want, as long as we aren’t hurting someone else in the process.
We are given our liberties from God. We acknowledge our liberties in our Constitution. We do not acknowledge that government is the source of our liberties because that would give government the right to take them away from us if they chose to do so.
But now, the tide is changing and many, many people in our land feel that the government is the guarantee of rights and freedoms. Our President has spoken of a “second bill of rights” and those rights would be given to the people by the government. He believes that government has the right to regulate in ways that inserts the government in nearly every aspect of our lives.
All of this costs money and so our leaders feel that the solution is to take from some people to give to other people. They feel that they should print money the treasury does not have and borrow so much money that there is little hope of paying it back. There is little care that these deficits will cripple the country for future generations. There is out-of-control, unrestrained spending. I think a lot about our home and wonder if my children will all have to return to it with their families someday, because they will not able to buy a home because they are burdened crippling taxes. Perhaps, they won't be experience the strength that comes from independence.
When they redistribute wealth, the government says to successful people, “It is wrong for you to work hard and earn. We will take what we consider to be excess and decide what should happen with the money.”
It says to people who are struggling, “If you haven’t been able to work and earn, you have demonstrated that you are unable to do so. You aren’t capable therefore, we will have to take care of you. It is of little consequence that we are making you dependent upon us.”
I believe that people are smarter, braver, and more capable than they realize. My husband and I have struggled back from two major financial overturns in our life. I dread the idea that we could live through another one, but at least I know it is possible. I know we are capable . I know the Lord supports those who love him and obey him and that he supports them through their trials. He helped our family through our hard times, he helps us now, and I am completely confident that if we continue to turn to him, he will support us through whatever we may face in the future.
I’m glad no one bailed us out during our financial failures. If we had been bailed out, we wouldn’t have turned to the true source of help – God.
Because of my past experiences, I have compassion for my fellow beings. Because of our failures, I am in the position to teach others what to do if they are experiencing hard financial times and life challenges, because I have true life-experience. I have faced trials that I have not told you about, but believe me when I say, they are significant enough that I can be a help to others. I have been through enough that my desire to help others is my overwhelming, constant thought. I don’t care about things. I care about God, family, and people.
Of course, there will always be those who truly are not capable of caring for themselves (such as my oldest son who is mentally disabled) and it is right for society to care for these individuals. This is where our compassion should be focused. But these people are rare exceptions – not the rule. We should not cripple people who are capable of learning to care for themselves.
My particular faith teaches that when we fall on hard times, we turn to our families for help first. Then, if our families are not able to help us, we turn to our church. It is only when the church cannot help us, that we ask for outside help.
We also believe in preparation for hard times. For instance, we store food. During our financial difficulties, our family has lived on the food we stored in our home.
Because our church has an extensive welfare programs to help our own needy (the monies for this program are offered voluntarily) we are able to care for our own. We fast two meals a month and donate the money for the food we would have eaten during those two meals. Many of us donate a lot more than that. Because of our Fast Offerings program, we are generally able to help our own, with the focus being on helping them get back on their own feet as quickly as possible.
President Reagan heard about what we do and asked to learn about it. He wanted to use these principles in the welfare act that he supported – and achieved.
But now, because so many people feel that government should have the ability to give and take things away from us and our freedom of speech is challenged. We are being told to get in line and follow the leader(s) without thinking. We are being told, "You are free to say what you want as long as you agree with us. If you don't agree, then you are a racist, stupid-person, far-out-whack-o. If you don’t agree we will soon make it impossible to speak because we will penalize radio and television stations who do not agree with us out of existence. We want the state to control it all – even the Internet.
Right now, it is somewhat easier for people to deny this is happening, but there is plenty of factual proof available, if you would like to receive it. The FCC “Czar” is making preparations and is very open about his plans. If you just stand back and watch, it will happen. Of course, if you do stand back, nobody will bother you, but you will lose access to information and will lose the ability to speak.
My problem? I began to feel guilty about being quiet. I began to feel upset that I felt that I must be quiet or I am putting myself and the people I love in danger. I began to feel like I was in pre-war Austria.
I began to understand that when people do not speak up, they lose their country. I began to see that I need to speak up. I started to see that not standing up for your country is almost as bad as not standing up for your God or your family. It's a serious thing to turn your back on your country. It takes a great deal of torture to get prisoners of war to give their countries up. And yet, most of us are failing to do anything right now but sit on our couch drinking Fresca wile burping as we move our feet to a new spot on the couch.
Some of us are listening to people who are trying to inform us. Some of us don’t care enough to learn what is happening. Some of us are content to keep our heads in the sand and hope that "everything will all work out somehow.”
If you are a conservative like I am (anybody surprised by that admission?), you will probably understand when I say we are being pressured to change our beliefs until they conform to what has been deemed as compassionate, educated, and acceptable.
This certainly isn’t the type of change I thought we had signed up for.
A few of the points of pressure conservatives are experiencing include…
- If you don’t believe in abortion (I don’t), then you are a woman-hater, a birther, a crazy-person who needs to be put away in a nice little cardboard box sealed with duct tape. And just in case you get bored in that box, someone will stand over you and lecture about how inconsiderate you are being to women as you whisper the question, “But what about the babies? What about the babies that will grow up into women if they live?”
- If you are unsure about global warming because there is just as many studies that say it isn’t happening as those that say it is happening. And then there are scientists that tell us that even if is happening, mankind is too puny to have the ability to make significant enough changes to make a difference and if we express our doubts, we are told “you are a narrow-minded, capitalist pig. You don’t care about the planet and it will serve you right if you die when we are all drowned when the ice caps melt and are burned up the sun gets too hot.”
- If you don’t believe that the planet and everything on it is a God to worship over mankind, then you are a whack-o-Bible-thumping-Christian-loon.
- If you believe in traditional families, then… well… you will be told that you are a narrow-minded bigot with cold-blue blood running through your veins.You are the person that should be put back in the closet because they say, “we are so over that.” (Meaning we are so over traditional families.)
- If you don’t agree with the President’s policies and decisions, you become a racist. Why? People throughout history have disagreed – strongly disagreed – with presidents. Should it be different for this president? If it is different, isn’t that racial behavior? Martin Luther King wanted men to be judged by their character – not the color of their skin. So why are we made fun of or vilified if we judge this president by his character and criticize the policies we disagree with – just as we did with previous presidents?
So anyway, peer pressure is weighing on me – a lot. I have felt afraid. I have worried that there will be people who decide to attack me because I am saying, "This is me and this is what I believe. I am going to stick by my principles." I have wondered if I will be dismissed as stupid because I am a conservative. I have been frightened that people will leave Scrap Girls because I am a conservative, although, I believe that there are many conservatives in our ranks. I don’t know who they are because they aren’t telling me what they believe.
By the way, at this time, I don't consider myself to be a member of any political party. At this point in history, the parties confuse me and I think they are messing up all of the issues. There isn’t agreement among party members about much. And so I have decided that I will call myself a conservative and that from now on, I will look for candidates that have conservative values – regardless of their political affiliation.
I have decided that I am tired of being afraid, worried, and so concerned about what other people think that I turn my back on my country.
I am looking for candidates who will be willing to abide by these principle through their actions:
- I believe in a balanced budget and therefore will vote for a freeze in governmental spending until that goal is realized.
- I believe government should not increase the financial burden on its citizenry during difficult economic times, therefore will oppose all tax increases until our economy has rebounded.
- I believe more than four decades of U.S.dependence on foreign oil is a travesty therefore I will support an energy plan that calls for immediately increasing usage of all domestic resources including nuclear energy, natural gas, and coal as necessary.
- I believe in the sovereignty and security of our country and therefore will support measure to close our borders except for designated immigration points so we will know who is entering and why and I will vehemently oppose any measure giving another country, the United Nations, or any other entity power over U.S. citizens.
- I believe the United States of America is the greatest country on earth and therefore will not apologize for policies or actions which have served to free and feed more people around the world than another other nation on the planet.
It doesn’t matter to me when others disagree with me, but I have been concerned that I won't receive the same level of respect I offer them.
Right now, for the first time in our country's history, people like me that speak out and support conservative ideals are branded as “anti-American, nut-jobs, Nazis, and thugs," by the people we have elected to serve us.
But I’m not any of those things. Nobody I know is. We are mothers, husbands, grandmothers, grandfathers, business owners, employees, veterans, neighbors, church-goers, and friends. We live quiet lives and when we haven’t agreed with what is happening, we have limited our actions to shouting at the television because that is a relatively harmless thing to do.
We saw the leftists and unions out protesting in the streets and frankly, it frightened us. “We’re not like that,” we’d think as we ate our big bowls of ice cream.
We believe in the Constitution. We believe that God has given all mankind rights. We are free to think and speak. We are free to pursue happiness. We are free to worship as we may. We are free to protect ourselves. We are free to take care of our families (and have them) and support them in any legal way available to us.
I don’t want the government to give things to us. I want to take care of myself unless something overwhelms me to the point where I am temporarily unable to care for myself. But even then, my goal will be to get back on my feet as quickly as possible because that is how I will grow and have pride in myself. It makes me stronger to overcome adversity. If the government tries to take care of everything for me, it will only serve to weaken me.
This means that I may occasionally fail, but if I fail, I will learn from my mistakes and go out and try again. As long as the government doesn’t get in my way, I’ll will figure out something with God’s help. I am an entrepreneur and believe that our ancestors came to America to live the American dream and darn it all…. I want that dream, too. I want my children and grandchildren to be able to dream and to see them achieve their dreams.
We work hard, trying to do better for ourselves, because we want to provide a good life for our families. We walk the malls, sit in pews in church, go fishing, play ball, and barbeque hamburgers on Saturday.
Conservatives eat apple pie, bake cookies, and stuff our Thanksgiving turkeys with dressing made from a recipe handed down through generations. We serve in the military with honor because many of us were raised by men and women who fought in wars to protect our country.
We grew up saying the Pledge of Allegiance with pride – and without a breath of fear that the words would somehow offend someone in the room. There were no discussions about removing God from the pledge, our money, or our public buildings.
“We Pledge Allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all.”
Now we are finding that our country is changing in ways that we are not prepared to accept and we are starting to wake up and see that it is time to get off of the couch and do something about it. Gary and I are beginning to see that we owe it to our kids and grandkids to do something about it. We don’t want to have to explain to them that we sat around and watched their futures and freedoms being taken away from them.
We don't want our country FUNDAMENTALLY changed. We want the errors of the past fixed, the spending stopped, the money put back into the pockets of those who earned it so that they can begin hiring more people again, the deficit repaired, and our freedoms maintained.
We want our leaders to do what they promised they would do when they took their oath of office - to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States from enemies, foreign and domestic.
My longing to do something has brought Gary and me to a decision. We are traveling to Washington D.C. for the March on Washington to be held on September 12th. This gathering of conservatives is being supported by many organizations. It is not being run by some “nut-job” group. Instead, groups of all kinds are coming together to have an activity that will hopefully be large enough that the main-stream media can’t avoid it and will have to speak with respect about it.
When I heard about it, I was surprised that it intrigued me because I grew up during the Vietnam War era and the protestors frightened me.
I thought about the rally for a couple of days before I decided to pray about it. It would be important for you to know that I have been praying – for months – that the good people in our country will stand up for what they believe. When I talked to Heavenly Father about the Washington trip, I explained that it feels pretty “out-there” to do – scary – but yet, it felt like it was something I wanted to do. I told him that I was concerned about the money it would cost. Immediately I received a STRONG answer. I was interrupted and was told, “You have been praying for the good people in your country to stand up for what they believe. So are you going to stand up or not?”
I felt embarrassed. Of course, I had to go. I think I am a good person and I have deep feelings about what is happening. I’m not the type to start any trouble. Hopefully, Gary and I will just be two more bodies in the throng of tens of thousands, but our being there will add to the number. I immediately booked our tickets and our room. We got a deal on the tickets: Round trip from SLC to Washington for $234 each!
This event will be like a gigantic town-hall meeting. The rally at the end is taking place on the capital building lawn. We want congress to know that we are there. We want their attention. We don’t want them to have the excuse, “I didn’t know people were unhappy about the things we are doing.”
My own immediately family. (Photo taken in 1995) We are doing this for them.
My parent’s family. (about 1965) We are doing this for them.
My grandson. We are doing this for him.
Gary’s mom, sister, and father. We go for them.
More of Gary’s family. We were at Golden Corral – my father-in-law’s favorite spot. We are going for them.
These are some of my Utah Scrap Girls friends. I m going for them, as well. (Even if they are not aware of it. I go for them.)
<
This video speaks to what American was and should be. It speaks to the patriotic men and women that fought for our right to speak and be free. It has inspired me to action. Please watch it.
LEARNING ABOUT OUR HERITAGE
What can you do now?
We must understand our history to know who we are. We must know the principles of the Constitution in order to understand if laws are being written and passed that are unconstitutional. Once I started to understand what is going on, I became a student of history.
I read the words of great men like George Washington, Jefferson, Franklin, John Adams, Samuel Adams, and I feel proud of them. They had such courage.
I deeply admire George Washington. I believe that he was prepared by God to become the great hope of the people and the leader of the revolution. He drove the founding of our country by being a facilitator when fractions were deeply divided on issues. No one else had the ability to bring people together as he could. No one was respected as he was.
George Washington was a deeply religious man who asked his men to pray regularly, to clean up, to be sober, serious, and good men. He talked to them – often – about God and the necessity of obtaining his help to win their battles. He was not afraid that he would be politically incorrect when he taught his men to seek out God. He cared more for God than man.
I have been studying the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. I want to know – for myself – what is in them. They were inspired by God. Did you know that right before the congressional convention got it right, the men that were working on the Constitution were so divided that the talks nearly broke down. Then they decided to fast and pray for days. When they were through, they came back to the table and it was done.
I studied these documents in college, but it was so long ago, I didn’t remember much of it. I don’t want to have to depend on what others tell me. Most sources of information filter it now, but if I know for myself what is true, then it is easier for me to recognize truth when other people speak it.
The 5000 Year Leap has been the biggest help to me. I feel like I understand the Constitution now that I have read it. It is such an important book that it should be required reading in public school, and college. It would be a perfect textbook for home school families. I feel that public officials that work in Washington (or, for that matter, have a political office anywhere in the U.S.) should be placed in a room with the book and not allowed out until they have read it and have written a 5 page book report about why they need to guard the constitution.
If you want to read a book than will make your heart beat with pride for the miracle of the founding of the United States, read this book about Washington. Studying his life is learning how to live with integrity and honor. The writing is well done. It is an enjoyable read.
I bought the DVD set of the HBO series about John Adams for a Christmas present for Gary last year. I felt so proud of Adams and the rest of the founders as I saw what they were willing to give up for their convictions.
Don’t let the title, Liberal Fascism put you off. It is the most thorough book I have found on what has happened to our country since before the turn of the century (when 1900 began). I learned things about Teddy Roosevelt, Franklin D Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson and more, that I had never heard of before. They certainly didn’t teach this in school. It is not a book to teach you how to become a fascist. It is a book to teach you what it is so that you can avoid it. It points out the failures and how we must guard against them.
This book isn’t an opinion piece. It is researched history. The author knew that he had to back up everything he wrote in order for the book to stand up to criticism and so all references are documented.
I believe that this book should be mandatory reading for every upper high-school level and college-level student. It would be a good counter-balance to the current progressive "Americans must apologize for everything because we are such creeps" instruction that exists in many American History classes. I wish I could get people who say they are progressives to read it so that they can understand what they are saying about themselves. They may change their mind, if they do. I am considering making my own college-age children read it as a condition of them continuing to receiving financial help.
I have prayed about my decision to speak out and I feel peace. A light is shining through the darkness. Whatever happens, I know that God will sustain me through it. I pray that he continues to bless all of the people whom I love and associate with. I pray that he will bless Scrap Girls so that the many people who depend upon it for their livelihood will be able to keep working. I pray that people who agree with my positions will find it in their heart to support Scrap Girls. I pray that those who don't agree with me will respect my right to express my beliefs and that they will continue to shop with us. Our company is a lone voice in this world and we need our customers to be able to survive.
I know I’m asking a lot. I’m asking for a miracle. But I have faith and I am willing to serve my God, my family, my associates, my friends, my faith, and my country with all my heart, might, mind, and soul. I pray my efforts will be useful.
All the best to each of you. I am deeply obligated for everything you do for us.
----
(Update 083109: I believe that I didn't say something very well and I'd like to clarify, if I may.
I am not suggesting that I think our country is in any current danger of becoming like the Nazi's and doing such terrible things. The problem we have is that our own elected leaders - such as Nancy Pelosi - have accused conservatives of bringing Nazi symbols to town hall meetings. No one had prior to her suggesting it and after that, if they have showed up since that time, they have been brought by people that are out on the "fringe". True conservatives wouldn't dream of it.
Our leaders - senators, congressmen and women, have been calling people "un-American" and worse for speaking up and disagreeing. It's the first time that our leaders have turned on the American people. They are hurting the conversation and are heating up the fear the conservatives feel. They are giving other people an excuse to say terrible things when they don't agree with them or the President
Another update: Apparently, I have offended people by even using the term, Nazi, as if using it means that I approve of what they did. Some people have thought I do not have good feelings about the Jewish people because I used the term. Nothing could be further from the truth.
No, please... I have said that it was the fear of speaking out against the Nazi's was the tragedy, at least it was the beginning of the tragedy that should have been prevented.
If people had spoken up in time, the Holocaust may have been prevented. It is this ability to speak out against things that worry us that must be maintained in our country. If we never mention what happened during World War II, then the people who want to pretend that the Holocaust never happened will get their way. We cannot allow that to happen. How can future atrocities be prevented if we don't remember them by vowing that people MUST be allowed to speak? How can we prevent them if we become so afraid of mentioning what happened in the past that we don't speak? How can we prevent them if we lose the ability to disagree on even something like health care?
Think of all of the people who didn't speak out when it mattered. Why? When did it start? People watched what happened and perhaps, they didn't understand it was happening. They believed lies. They went along. They didn't want to imagine that such things could happen.
And the cancer grew until it did it's deadly work and millions of good lives were lost.
And how can we stop it from happening here? That is what I have been saying. Any slippage in taking our freedom of speech from us puts us on a dangerous path.
Not here. Not in my country. Not in our country. Ever.
